This One Comes With a Disclaimer

Disclaimer: This entry is a little personal. You don't have to read beyond this point. I have made several attempts to write in a journal consistently throughout my life - failing miserably at all of them. But, when I started blogging I realized this was my journal. So, when we had this experience at our house I decided that I needed to write it down for future generations and it might help me in the process. This is my journal and so it must go here. Sorry. Just letting you know ahead of time. Oh, and it is LONG!

A couple of weeks ago, October 5, we went to bed as we normally do. I was looking forward to the last two sessions of General Conference the next day. The wind blew terribly during the night and had kept Trent and me awake for a couple of hours as we wandered the house determining from where the banging sound was coming. A tree branch was hitting the roof - it would need to be cut out the next day. Then we went back to sleep. At about 5:30 a.m. Trent made a loud, unusual sound. I reached over to check on him and called his name but didn't get a response. His body was very rigid. I jumped out of bed, closed the door to avoid waking the kids, and turned on the light. Trent was blue and gasping for air. He wasn't breathing at all and he had the most panicked look on his face - like "HELP ME!" He wasn't responding and then his eyes rolled up into his head and he began to turn purple. I quietly and quickly said a prayer asking for help in what to do. I felt extremely calm and very clear headed - unlike another time we had to call 911 and I couldn't remember that number. I called 911 and at the same time realized that I needed to start CPR or some form of air exchange for him. His jaw was clenched so tightly that I couldn't get it opened to clear an airway. I felt impressed to roll him on his side and pound him on his back. (Perhaps I pounded a little too hard because his back and ribs are still very sore. Oops!!) After what seemed like an eternity later, he began to breathe - although it didn't look like breathing or sound like breathing. But, air was going in and coming out and color was beginning to SLOWLY return. He was still not conscious. My first thoughts were that he had suffered a heart attack or a stroke.

During that time, and after the 911 call, I called my brother-in-law Tom to come over. Thank goodness they have moved close. He arrived within 5 minutes and asked me to get someone else to administer a priesthood blessing to Trent. I called our dear friend Brandon Creer. McKenna had heard the noise Trent made and had run to get Collin. Collin got the girls together and they began praying for Trent. It is one of the most tender thoughts I have. They were gathered in the twins' room, kneeling, crying, and praying that their dad would be okay. Collin manned the front door and kept his sisters as calm and comforted as he could.

I don't remember everything in the correct order anymore. I know that the first EMT responder arrived after Tom, and then Brandon came. Those two priesthood holders gave him a blessing and immediately his breathing seemed to ease into a fairly normal pattern. I am so grateful for them. I know God hears our prayers and blesses our lives through the priesthood. Soon, lots of people started coming. I don't remember now, even, how many people were there, but more first responders came and deputies from the Sheriff's office. Our bedroom was full. That may be why, when Trent started to come to, and his body was still not working correctly, he freaked out. He became very agitated and feisty and EXTREMELY strong. His speaking wasn't clear but we thought he was yelling for help. We, as in many, were trying to hold him down on the bed because we weren't sure what he would do if he got up. At some point I left the room and found the kids huddled with Cruiser, the dog, in Collin's room - as far from the sounds as they could get. I promised them that all would be okay and just to stay together. They did all day. When it comes right down to it, those four fantastic kids really do love each other and will take care of each other when they need to - despite the teasing and fighting we experience on a daily basis.

Trent eventually calmed down and was sitting on the edge of the bed when I got back to the bedroom. The ambulance had arrived. I think it took about 20 - 30 minutes for it to get to our house. We live in town but there is only a volunteer service and the two drivers were in Teton, about 10 miles away, that night. They both had to come into St. Anthony to get the ambulance. I also think they got a wee bit lost. But, nevertheless, they arrived and were here to take Trent to the hospital in Rexburg. By the time they were ready to load him, Trent seemed conscious and fully aware of what was happening. Later I would learn that he doesn't remember any of it - that is good. I DO!!!

At the Emergency Room the doctor checked him out thoroughly. Trent's blood pressure, heart rate, EKG, and blood work were all normal. That was a relief. It hadn't been a stroke or a heart attack. He spent a couple days being observed and running more tests including an EEG in Idaho Falls. He hated being there. There was a song in the 80s that said something about "57 channels and nothing's on." He found that to be true. We came home Monday evening with no answers as to why this had happened. On Wednesday the results of the EEG showed that it was probably not seizure related and that was also a big relief.

The thought now is that it is most likely associated with sleep apnea. Trent is scheduled for a sleep study on the 20th. I hope we get some answers then. I haven't slept since it happened. At first, every time I closed my eyes I saw the whole event replayed in my mind over and over like a movie I couldn't turn off. Then I wouldn't allow myself to fall asleep because I wouldn't hear him breathe or not breathe. Every time Trent, the poor guy, would move or jump or snore I was right there to poke him and ask if he was okay. I began dozing at times and would get so frustrated with myself for not being alert. Time does help heal heartache and wounds and fears. So, the last few days, I have dozed and slept until about 2:00. Even then I would begin to panic and then not get back to sleep. About 5:00 I'd begin panicking again, probably because that's about the time it happened. It really seems silly as I write about it but I have never been so scared. Trent keeps telling me not to worry and that it is really out of my control, which it is. Last night, I finally slept really well - until 2:00. But, I didn't panic and I went back to sleep after checking on him. Then I woke up again at 5:00. I listened again and went right back to sleep. My prayers again are being answered. I'm so grateful and the people around me should be, too. ha ha

I am also grateful for all the people who helped us. My parents were right there at the hospital. (Sorry I didn't call you but I was pretty occupied and not thinking clearly.) Trent's brother, Kendall, and sister ,Tracie, waited at the hospital the whole time we were in the ER without me knowing. They were brought in as he was being taken to his hospital "suite." Trent's parents came and spent the night and next day with the kids, keeping them occupied and happy. Then there are all the people who prayed for him and called and brought food. We are surrounded by so much love and support. What a blessing!

We are given experiences in life that help us grow, though we don't always like them. I have learned a great deal during this time. My testimony of prayer and the priesthood have been strengthened, again. I guess it has also given me strength for the next crisis that may or may not occur. I like the not option there. And, it is also good to be reminded of the tender mercies in our lives - like clear thoughts and family.