Being Better

I have sat quietly tonight, after watching a movie that got me to thinking, contemplating the current status of my existence. I don't say too much about my thoughts and what I think because they usually aren't that valid and I never want to be judged by others for the things I think. (That is stupid, I know.) But, recent world events, political strife, and general uncertainty have made me decide to write a few things in the blog that no one reads (I read it and so I can go back and read it again and again if I need a reminder).

First, I have been so overwhelmed because of frustration, discouragement, rejection, roadblocks, and hurdles that my children face. There was a time, when the kids were younger and I thought life could not get more difficult, that I actually wished their childhood away and hoped for adulthood. How stupid was that? I would give anything to go back to the days when the twins were uncontrollable, band-aids were put on every three seconds, kids squabbled over everything, homework was always needing to be checked, someone had to be run somewhere, the house was a disaster, and someone hated every meal that was fixed. But, I could hug my kids every single day. I could sit with them at the table and help with homework. I could rock them in the chair and read them stories. I could listen to them read to me. Those times were so much easier than the pains that are felt as children are hurting. Man I love these kids. I wish I could help them escape the trials that help them grow. But where would they be then? They have to experience all of them to make them strong enough to face the future. I just don't like it. And I miss them terribly. (Okay the twins are still here but only for a couple months more.)

Next, my life is not charmed. It is difficult, at best, some days. There are weeks that nothing seems to go right. We don't have all the things we want, heck, we can't always even have all the things we need. However, I am so blessed. Today while watching a move, The Butler, I realized that I am totally free. I make the choices I want. Do what I want. See what I want. And I can be what I want. There is nothing, save it be myself, to hold me back. I have become the person I have wanted to be. I am happy with who I am. No one has ever told me I can't do something because of the color of my skin, because of my religion, or because of my situation. I am so grateful for that. I don't understand people that hold others back. Why should I care where another person is from or what they look like or what God they pray to, or if they don't believe in a god at all. I am here to find joy in this life and bring joy to others. I don't want to be a roadblock in another's life and progress. I truly believe that we should all be free to find joy. I am blessed! What a wonderful life I have.

And last, after learning of bombings, verbal and physical fights among candidates running for President (are these people seven years old? I deal with this stuff on the playground daily.) and a general disregard for other humans, I decided to take a stand where I am. I am going to be a bigger person. I don't want to add one more second of negativity to this world. Martin Luther King Jr. said something about dark can not get rid of darkness. Only light has the ability to rid the world of darkness. I am going to be a light. One little light doesn't do much but if I can influence another someone to be a light and that influence inspires another light and it continues then I have made a difference. We can all make a difference. We have got to stop hating and stop all the ugliness. We can be better than this. I'm going to be better, starting right now. 

Life is good - and I am going to help make it better.