My Heart is Breaking

I attended a wonderful fireside on Sunday done by Janice Kapp Perry. She shared a wonderful message for the youth and adults. We had a fun time singing and laughing. I was grateful that the Ashton Stake shared that experience with our stake. As we were leaving, McKenna received a text from a friend telling her to tell me that one of my students had been killed. I checked my phone and had many messages. I was hoping that there had been a mix up and that the ten texts and 4 voice mails I had on my phone were wrong. But within seconds it was confirmed. My student, Lakyn Grende, had been killed when a firewood pile that she had been climbing on fell and trapped her under it. The family couldn't find her for some time and then called the sheriff's dept. to help search for her. When they found her she was dead. The gave her CPR and got her breathing again. But she died at the hospital - which is probably a blessing since she had been without oxygen for so long. What a freak accident. I've spent a lot of time just trying to imagine Lakyn, who was always dressed perfectly with perfect hair and a perfect disposition, climbing on a stack of wood. But it happened. No use trying to picture it.

On Monday, I had to face my class and tell them what had happened. Wow, that's overwhelming. Most of them knew already. Many of them whispered about it before school started, not knowing if it was okay to talk about. I tried to be strong and not cry because I figured they needed me to be that way. But, I couldn't. I cried as I told them. I cried most of the day. The kids cried most of the day, too. I told them that it was okay to cry - even boys. That's when the tears really started. My strong bully types cried or sobbed. There were lots of hugs and kind words all day. The kids wanted to do something special for her family. So, today we collected money for flowers and treats for a treat basket ("because candy makes us feel better"). The ideas came from them. It was so sweet. I answered many hard questions and couldn't answer some like "Why was it Lakyn? She is so little." And the questions, "Why do kids have to die?" The principal, psychologist, and social worker talked to all the 2nd graders. When the day was over, I was emotionally exhausted and full of sadness.

Today, I was hoping to feel better. I didn't. Today was class picture day.  I miss that sweet girl. (And, she was sweet, and beautiful, and kind, and happy, and fun, and sympathetic, and really, really good.) It was overwhelming for me to take the picture without her. But we did because we had to. And, the nice pictureman is going to photoshop a picture of Lakyn into our picture in a little frame at the side. That was helpful. I couldn't take her name off our lunch slips. My fellow teacher did that for me without me knowing. I couldn't throw her homework papers away. Somehow they are not there anymore.  I didn't want her removed from my class roster but the secretary did it without me knowing. Those things had to be done and they were by my friends. I'm feeling better now. I took the money we collected and bought flowers from all the 2nd graders and donated the rest to the family to help with costs. I made a cute basket with the goodies, compiled all the cards, letters, drawn pictures, and folded paper flowers and delivered it all to the family, too. I was so relieved to talk with them and hug them. I needed that interaction with them. I think they needed to know that our kiddos were hurting along with them and that we were thinking of them. Tonight I was asked to accompany a group of adorable girls, her friends, at the funeral. They will sing "I Am a Child of God." That helps too.

The funeral is Thursday. My fellow teachers and coworkers have been so kind to offer their time doing my duties and covering my class. I hope I never have to repay them in the same situation. It is awful. I love those kids. It is hard to let them go at the end of the year when our year together is complete. It is a bazillion times harder to let them go under these terrible circumstances. My heart is breaking but it will heal with time. I take great comfort in the knowledge I have of the Plan of Salvation and that families can be eternal. It brings me a lot of hope. I pray continually that her family, who isn't LDS, will find the comfort, peace and hope that will help them heal.

Life is Good - but, oh, so fragile.